Der Witze des Monats

IDIOT WORKERS:

Idiot 1:
I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbour call the Highways Department to request the removal of the "DEER CROSSING" sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore!"

Idiot 2:
My daughter went to a local Kentucky Fried Chicken and ordered a Mexican taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimum lettuce'. He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.

Idiot 3:
I was at the airport checking in at the gate when an Irish airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?' To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask."

Idiot 4:
When my husband and I arrived at our local Ford dealer to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey' I announced to the Mechanic "It's open." His reply, 'I know, I already did that side."

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A woman asked her doctor, what's the best form of birth control after 50? - He said 'nudity'!

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A linguistic professor was lecturing his class one day.
'In English', he said,'A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.'
A loud voice from the back of the room piped up, 'Yeah, right.'

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While in the queue to withdraw cash from the ATM I was asked by an old lady if I would check her balance. So I pushed her over.

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My wife asked me: "Watcha doing today?". I said: "Nothing.". She said: "You did that yesterday.". I said: "I wasn't finished."